Well, its been awhile.

Apparently, I havent blogged since Harper was almost 10 months old.  OOPS!  I was never very good at keeping up with a diary or journal.  Anyways, Harper is now almost 16 months old!  I cant believe it.  So much has changed.  We had a HUGE first birthday party for our sweet angel and it was perfect.  We dont think we will ever do one that big again but it was awesome to see how loved our little girl is.  She got lots of toys and clothes.  Her favorites have been her pink Little Tikes car and her wood alligator that she drags behind her.  

I guess I should update some of her milestones too!  Harper started walking right at 11 months.  And, within a week was RUNNING!  At this point, there is no stopping her.  She hugs the puppies, crawls up on the couch or in her little chair, she waves bye bye and even says bye bye!  I cant believe it.  One day, about a month ago, I handed her a bowl of mangos and she said in her tiny voice "thank you!"  I was shocked. We havent really worked with her on talking and she is just picking everything up.  What a smarty!  She also says "eyes" and points at your eyes.  She knows where her nose is and what her shoes are.  When it comes to food, she is eating pretty much everything.  For several months, her favorite thing was blueberries but she seems to be burnt out at this point.  She loves all fruit and will go to the refridgerator and beg for food!  I cant seem to keep enough food in her belly.  She is still nursing once or twice a day.  I dont offer but dont refuse.  I think she is weaning herself slowly, which I am ok with.  

Harper's little personality brings so much joy to Scott and I.  She is constantly happy and loves to wrestle with Scott or sit in my lap and snuggle or look at a book (which she wants to hold).  She babbles constantly and I dont think I have ever seen a baby as verbal as she is.  She speaks in whole sentences of gibberish.  

We went on our first vacation with Harper to Florida.  I will try to write another blog soon.  Gotta go!  

The Mommy Score Card

Should I induce?
Should I have a c-section?
Epidural?
Home birth or hospital birth?
Breastfeeding or formula?
Vaccinate my child or no vaccinations?
Stay at home or work outside the home?
Am I a bad mother because I dont get to participate in mommy groups, mommy and me yoga, library time, music class for baby, mommy and me swimming, etc?
Do I smile at her enough?  Talk to her enough?

I recently read a blog somewhere that talked about the mommy score card.  I thought thats such a clever way to put it.  I never really thought about it like that but all moms and probably dads do it.  Its like I add a plus or a minus to everything that I think I am doing or not doing. 

Here is my scorecard on a regular day:
Big ++++ for breastfeeding
++ for making Harper's baby food
Big fat minus minus minus because I work outside the home, plus add in some guilt.
Slightly smaller minus because I had an epidural and I feel like a wus.
A minus here and there because I miss out on fun stuff like mommy groups and zoo time or whatever.
I usually have several plus's and minuses throughout the day for being patient or not being patient.

I say this in no way to be offensive or to sound judgmental.  I have many "minuses" that often try to outweigh the pluses.  I guess this is why being a mom, however you do it, is the hardest job you will ever have.  I wonder what my friends "scorecards" look like and how we can stop keeping them!  I am striving to let go of the feelings that are not productive in my daily life.


I thought this was a nice way to think about things. 
 

Imagine a great Oak Tree. It knows where it stands,
and it holds powerfully to its position. But it
doesn't defend its position -- it's simply *there*.

You can drive a car into the massive trunk of the
...Oak Tree, and the car will be smashed while the tree
remains standing. It's not standing *against* you, and
it doesn't take your destructive behavior personally.
It just remains rooted... focused... present.
Unconditionally.

Now imagine that *you* are the Oak Tree... How does it
feel to be so powerfully positioned? Isn't it nice to
know that no one can uproot you? Would you even bother
to resist? Or would you simply relax and enjoy being
right where you want to be?

Next time you feel "uprooted" by your child's
behavior, emotions, or any other conditions, remember
the unconditional presence of the Oak Tree. Stand
rooted in the ground of infinite Well-Being.

There is nothing to resist... All is well.

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

I blinked and Harper is almost 10 months old

Harper is such a joy!  She is crawling all over the house and getting into all kinds of things.  We have already fished out dog food, cat food (at my moms), and all kinds of other strange things from her mouth.  My floors have never been so clean!  I am constantly picking up little things that I know will end up in her mouth.  Some of her favorite things include playing in the dog water, playing with the springy doorstops, and digging through a laundry basket that is full of paper and other items that I am trying to sort through and get rid of.  She will play in that basket for 30 minutes just pulling things out and spreading them all over the floor.  Harper is talking and making all sorts of noises and sometimes what sounds like words.  She still shakes her head at us and now knows to crawl a little faster towards the dog water if I am coming up behind her.  She is still sharing her paci with us and tries to share her food. 

Speaking of food, she LOVES it.  Her favorite thing is probably blueberries.  I cut them in half and she eats them right up.  She loves blueberries, carrots, sweet potatoes, zucchini, pears, mangos, apples, all kinds of squash, etc.  I have given her some meat like ground beef and chicken and she will eat it but isnt real sure about it.  I dont puree anything anymore and despite not having any teeth she does really well.  I am enjoying watching her feed herself and stop when she is full. 

Harper is still in our bed, which is ok with us.  Since I am still breastfeeding, it makes it MUCH easier on me when she wakes up at night.  I dont have to walk across the house to get her.  I keep telling myself that someday she will sleep through the night again but I dont have any guarantee when she will do that.

I hope that by writing this blog I will keep up with all of the tinhgs I will forget someday!  I havent written in Harper's baby book in MONTHS.  OOPS.

Getting close to 9 months on the outside

I once heard someone say "9 months in, 9 months out" in reference to a new baby.  I really like this saying and since Harper is nearly 9 months old, I thought I would write a little about my thoughts.  Since I have become a mother, I have changed drastically from what I expected I would be. I think that as a society of mothers (and fathers) we rush everything!  When a baby is born, the world is a big scary place.  If I moved to a different country, would it not take time to adjust?  I think so!  I would be a mess.  I think new moms or pregnant women, including myself, have so many false expectations about bringing home baby.  It is the most wonderful experience BUT it IS HARD!  New mommies wont talk about the fact they cried all the time because they dont want the dreaded "post partum depression" label.   Well, let me tell you, I cried ALOT.  I think we have this picture of bring home the baby, being a little sore, the baby latching on to the breast, classical music playing in the background as you bond with your baby.  That is not the case.  Like I said, it is the most exciting time of your life, but you have never been that tired, breastfeeding hurts, you are sore like you didnt expect, hormones make you crazy, etc.  Every mom is different but these are things i have noticed.  I think if women pregnant with their first babies were a little more informed about these things, there would be far less post partum depression or anxiety and more mothers would breastfeed.  Drs immediately jump to formula if the mother even looks a little stressful.  Breastfeeding is NOT easy in the beginnning like I thought it would be.  Anyways, I think that as a society, we need to give our babies more time to adjust to the outside world.  We are not giving birth to a toddler (thank God) that can just walk around and tell us what they need and somewhat care for themselves.  I was going crazy with Harper not sleeping until I started reading online and MOST babies do not sleep all night for a LONG time.  I thought I was the only sleep deprived working mom out there.  I am rambling but my point is that I am making it a point not to rush Harper and jsut respond to her needs as they come.  If she sleeps in my bed, so what?  If she doesnt sleep, through the night, so what?  (obviously I am writing this after a good nights sleep) Someday, she will be grown up and not want to hang out with me.  Will she be a crippled adult because she didnt sleep all night until she was 1? or 2?  I doubt it. 

So anyways, sweet baby Harper.  She is absolutely the joy of our lives.  She crawls like crazy now.  She is getting faster and faster and enjoys exploring and getting stuck under the papasan chair or in between the table and the couch or a laundry basket.  She smiles almost constantly.  She babbles and is beginning to waive bye bye.  She pulls up to everything including my legs when I am getting ready in the mornings.  SHe has discovered the dog water and is very interested in the dogs.  To our surprise, Simon is actually the best with her.  We are shocked!  I thought Simon would be the one to snap at her.  Rosco and Zeus just ignore her.

She does sleep with us some (dont judge :) ), which started out from sheer desperation after being up all night long and still going to work the next day.  She is a big time cuddler.  Every once in a while, she will wake up for a few minutes and jump around and play.  Its cute for about 5 minutes, then not so much.  She almost wakes up and whimpers and reaches out for me and tries to find my hair.  Like Scott said, "oh, that is so cute" but again, not over and over again.  We have had a few good nights of sleep.  I am just trying to tough it out as long as I can.  I think it is going to be (and has been) a very slow transition to her sleeping all night and in her own bed every single night. 

When I come in for lunch, Harper smiles and jumps up and down.  Its the cutest thing I have ever seen.  We havent had too much separation anxiety yet and I am dreading that.  I still hate leaving her but it seems to be better as long as I have a positive attitude.

Everything is going great!  :)  She is reaching so many milestones everyday and has been on the outside for almost 9 months.  Time to put her to work!