4 Months On Earth

Well, this is Harper's 4th month of life.  We have now over come double ear infections and another case of thrush.  She is changing so much everyday.  She can control her head, neck and back.  She is getting so strong.  She LOVES to stand up and hold your hands.  She can show excitement and squeal!  I think the best thing I have ever experienced is seeing her sweet smile.  She looks right at me and just smiles this big open mouth smile.  I cant even handle how cute it is!  Her most recent discovery is her feet!  She loves to lay on her back and hold them and tug on them and pull socks off. 

I swear this little girl gets to me everyday.  I have always heard about how much a mother loves her children but I cant even explain how much I love her. It is so different than the way you love someone else.  Not to say that I love Harper more than Scott or my own mother but this is something more.  Its almost primal.  I am so attached to her.  WOW!  Sorry for the mush.  I am a big ball of emotions when it comes to her.  Sometimes, I sit and hold her and just try to soak up the moment because I know it will be gone so fast!  I look forward to watching her grow up but I am enjoying every single stage so far.  She is so sweet and those big green (or at least I think they are turning green) eyes just melt a momma's heart. 

So, being a momma has also made me slightly paranoid.  The weird part is that I am not worried about germs.  I dont carry around purell.  BUT, I am terrified of plastics, paint, chemicals, soap, toxins, vaccines, antibiotics, probiotics and pretty much everything else that touches her!  I am trying to push these feelings down and realize that I cant control every aspect of her life but I am trying to be a more eco friendly human being.  So far, we eat only grass fed beef, try to buy a lot of organic food, switched to eco friendly cleaners, cloth diapers, recycle everything possible, and probably other things.  I want this planet to still be a wonderful place to grow up for my children.  I cant control other people but I can control what I do to reduce my carbon footprint.  I have bought some wood toys for Harper as opposed to plastic but then I think "what about the rainforest?"  Its neverending.  I enjoy researching and learning new things so I dont mind it. 

Harper is the best thing that Scott and I have ever done and we are so blessed to be her parents.  We want to raise her to be a happy, healthy, and secure woman.  I dont care what she does for a living or what she wears as long as she is happy.  I want her to be gracious and giving.  To be secure in her body image (something I have to work on to provide a good example).   To be sweet and caring.  To have many friends and to be loyal.  To always remember her faith that Scott and I are going to try to raise her with.  To value her family.  To stop and listen before she acts (something I struggle with).   To smile more than most people.  The list goes on and on...