Well, its been awhile.

Apparently, I havent blogged since Harper was almost 10 months old.  OOPS!  I was never very good at keeping up with a diary or journal.  Anyways, Harper is now almost 16 months old!  I cant believe it.  So much has changed.  We had a HUGE first birthday party for our sweet angel and it was perfect.  We dont think we will ever do one that big again but it was awesome to see how loved our little girl is.  She got lots of toys and clothes.  Her favorites have been her pink Little Tikes car and her wood alligator that she drags behind her.  

I guess I should update some of her milestones too!  Harper started walking right at 11 months.  And, within a week was RUNNING!  At this point, there is no stopping her.  She hugs the puppies, crawls up on the couch or in her little chair, she waves bye bye and even says bye bye!  I cant believe it.  One day, about a month ago, I handed her a bowl of mangos and she said in her tiny voice "thank you!"  I was shocked. We havent really worked with her on talking and she is just picking everything up.  What a smarty!  She also says "eyes" and points at your eyes.  She knows where her nose is and what her shoes are.  When it comes to food, she is eating pretty much everything.  For several months, her favorite thing was blueberries but she seems to be burnt out at this point.  She loves all fruit and will go to the refridgerator and beg for food!  I cant seem to keep enough food in her belly.  She is still nursing once or twice a day.  I dont offer but dont refuse.  I think she is weaning herself slowly, which I am ok with.  

Harper's little personality brings so much joy to Scott and I.  She is constantly happy and loves to wrestle with Scott or sit in my lap and snuggle or look at a book (which she wants to hold).  She babbles constantly and I dont think I have ever seen a baby as verbal as she is.  She speaks in whole sentences of gibberish.  

We went on our first vacation with Harper to Florida.  I will try to write another blog soon.  Gotta go!  

The Mommy Score Card

Should I induce?
Should I have a c-section?
Epidural?
Home birth or hospital birth?
Breastfeeding or formula?
Vaccinate my child or no vaccinations?
Stay at home or work outside the home?
Am I a bad mother because I dont get to participate in mommy groups, mommy and me yoga, library time, music class for baby, mommy and me swimming, etc?
Do I smile at her enough?  Talk to her enough?

I recently read a blog somewhere that talked about the mommy score card.  I thought thats such a clever way to put it.  I never really thought about it like that but all moms and probably dads do it.  Its like I add a plus or a minus to everything that I think I am doing or not doing. 

Here is my scorecard on a regular day:
Big ++++ for breastfeeding
++ for making Harper's baby food
Big fat minus minus minus because I work outside the home, plus add in some guilt.
Slightly smaller minus because I had an epidural and I feel like a wus.
A minus here and there because I miss out on fun stuff like mommy groups and zoo time or whatever.
I usually have several plus's and minuses throughout the day for being patient or not being patient.

I say this in no way to be offensive or to sound judgmental.  I have many "minuses" that often try to outweigh the pluses.  I guess this is why being a mom, however you do it, is the hardest job you will ever have.  I wonder what my friends "scorecards" look like and how we can stop keeping them!  I am striving to let go of the feelings that are not productive in my daily life.


I thought this was a nice way to think about things. 
 

Imagine a great Oak Tree. It knows where it stands,
and it holds powerfully to its position. But it
doesn't defend its position -- it's simply *there*.

You can drive a car into the massive trunk of the
...Oak Tree, and the car will be smashed while the tree
remains standing. It's not standing *against* you, and
it doesn't take your destructive behavior personally.
It just remains rooted... focused... present.
Unconditionally.

Now imagine that *you* are the Oak Tree... How does it
feel to be so powerfully positioned? Isn't it nice to
know that no one can uproot you? Would you even bother
to resist? Or would you simply relax and enjoy being
right where you want to be?

Next time you feel "uprooted" by your child's
behavior, emotions, or any other conditions, remember
the unconditional presence of the Oak Tree. Stand
rooted in the ground of infinite Well-Being.

There is nothing to resist... All is well.

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

I blinked and Harper is almost 10 months old

Harper is such a joy!  She is crawling all over the house and getting into all kinds of things.  We have already fished out dog food, cat food (at my moms), and all kinds of other strange things from her mouth.  My floors have never been so clean!  I am constantly picking up little things that I know will end up in her mouth.  Some of her favorite things include playing in the dog water, playing with the springy doorstops, and digging through a laundry basket that is full of paper and other items that I am trying to sort through and get rid of.  She will play in that basket for 30 minutes just pulling things out and spreading them all over the floor.  Harper is talking and making all sorts of noises and sometimes what sounds like words.  She still shakes her head at us and now knows to crawl a little faster towards the dog water if I am coming up behind her.  She is still sharing her paci with us and tries to share her food. 

Speaking of food, she LOVES it.  Her favorite thing is probably blueberries.  I cut them in half and she eats them right up.  She loves blueberries, carrots, sweet potatoes, zucchini, pears, mangos, apples, all kinds of squash, etc.  I have given her some meat like ground beef and chicken and she will eat it but isnt real sure about it.  I dont puree anything anymore and despite not having any teeth she does really well.  I am enjoying watching her feed herself and stop when she is full. 

Harper is still in our bed, which is ok with us.  Since I am still breastfeeding, it makes it MUCH easier on me when she wakes up at night.  I dont have to walk across the house to get her.  I keep telling myself that someday she will sleep through the night again but I dont have any guarantee when she will do that.

I hope that by writing this blog I will keep up with all of the tinhgs I will forget someday!  I havent written in Harper's baby book in MONTHS.  OOPS.

Getting close to 9 months on the outside

I once heard someone say "9 months in, 9 months out" in reference to a new baby.  I really like this saying and since Harper is nearly 9 months old, I thought I would write a little about my thoughts.  Since I have become a mother, I have changed drastically from what I expected I would be. I think that as a society of mothers (and fathers) we rush everything!  When a baby is born, the world is a big scary place.  If I moved to a different country, would it not take time to adjust?  I think so!  I would be a mess.  I think new moms or pregnant women, including myself, have so many false expectations about bringing home baby.  It is the most wonderful experience BUT it IS HARD!  New mommies wont talk about the fact they cried all the time because they dont want the dreaded "post partum depression" label.   Well, let me tell you, I cried ALOT.  I think we have this picture of bring home the baby, being a little sore, the baby latching on to the breast, classical music playing in the background as you bond with your baby.  That is not the case.  Like I said, it is the most exciting time of your life, but you have never been that tired, breastfeeding hurts, you are sore like you didnt expect, hormones make you crazy, etc.  Every mom is different but these are things i have noticed.  I think if women pregnant with their first babies were a little more informed about these things, there would be far less post partum depression or anxiety and more mothers would breastfeed.  Drs immediately jump to formula if the mother even looks a little stressful.  Breastfeeding is NOT easy in the beginnning like I thought it would be.  Anyways, I think that as a society, we need to give our babies more time to adjust to the outside world.  We are not giving birth to a toddler (thank God) that can just walk around and tell us what they need and somewhat care for themselves.  I was going crazy with Harper not sleeping until I started reading online and MOST babies do not sleep all night for a LONG time.  I thought I was the only sleep deprived working mom out there.  I am rambling but my point is that I am making it a point not to rush Harper and jsut respond to her needs as they come.  If she sleeps in my bed, so what?  If she doesnt sleep, through the night, so what?  (obviously I am writing this after a good nights sleep) Someday, she will be grown up and not want to hang out with me.  Will she be a crippled adult because she didnt sleep all night until she was 1? or 2?  I doubt it. 

So anyways, sweet baby Harper.  She is absolutely the joy of our lives.  She crawls like crazy now.  She is getting faster and faster and enjoys exploring and getting stuck under the papasan chair or in between the table and the couch or a laundry basket.  She smiles almost constantly.  She babbles and is beginning to waive bye bye.  She pulls up to everything including my legs when I am getting ready in the mornings.  SHe has discovered the dog water and is very interested in the dogs.  To our surprise, Simon is actually the best with her.  We are shocked!  I thought Simon would be the one to snap at her.  Rosco and Zeus just ignore her.

She does sleep with us some (dont judge :) ), which started out from sheer desperation after being up all night long and still going to work the next day.  She is a big time cuddler.  Every once in a while, she will wake up for a few minutes and jump around and play.  Its cute for about 5 minutes, then not so much.  She almost wakes up and whimpers and reaches out for me and tries to find my hair.  Like Scott said, "oh, that is so cute" but again, not over and over again.  We have had a few good nights of sleep.  I am just trying to tough it out as long as I can.  I think it is going to be (and has been) a very slow transition to her sleeping all night and in her own bed every single night. 

When I come in for lunch, Harper smiles and jumps up and down.  Its the cutest thing I have ever seen.  We havent had too much separation anxiety yet and I am dreading that.  I still hate leaving her but it seems to be better as long as I have a positive attitude.

Everything is going great!  :)  She is reaching so many milestones everyday and has been on the outside for almost 9 months.  Time to put her to work!

Almost 8 months

Harper is growing up faster than I could have ever imagine.  I swear I will blink a couple more times and she will be graduating college.  She is about 7 and a 1/2 months old now.  She is so sweet!   Any day now and our lives will change forever since she is so close to crawling.  She gets up on all 4's and rocks and has taken a few "crawls" towards something that she wants.  I am excited and terrified at the same time.  She finds every single thread or crumb on the floor and it immediately goes towards the mouth.  AGGGHHH!

A few weeks ago, Harper was sitting on the couch and actually turned and put her little baby hands up on the arm of the chair and pulled herself up!  I couldn't believe it!  I actually got a couple of pictures of it.  She has started pulling up on a lot of different objects that are low to the ground.

She is talking and babbling all the time.  She laughs and giggles when I tickle her with my hair or tickle her tummy or up by her collar bone.

I told Scott the other day that I dont think I ever really experienced joy until I became a mother.  Was I happy before?  Sure!  I was very happy but this is a different kind of joy that comes from somewhere deep within.  When I am home with Harper and Scott, my life is complete.  There are so many bad things going on within my family and extended family right now but when I am with Harper, my soul is complete.

I still struggle with working full time but we have more good days then in the past.  The majority of the bad days happen when I am really stressed about a case, money, washing machine breaking, etc.  I am learning to accept that I have to work and that it will be ok.  I will do my best to contribute financially to our family (and pay my lovely student loans).  Some days are good, some are bad.  I really never understood how much work it takes to run a household once you have a child.  My house is a mess most of the time and when I start to stress about it, I think about what some of the "older" moms I know have told me.  Leave the house alone and enjoy your baby!  I do what I can to keep things going and there are some days where most everything falls apart but other days, we do ok!  However, even on the worst days, when I come home to Harper and Scott, I take a deep breath and let the stresses of the day melt away.  Its like magic.

We are getting very excited about Christmas!  Harper will be getting a big girl car seat (well, 2 actually since we have to have one for both of our cars).  I am sure she will be thrilled.  haha!  I researched the heck out of the issue (surprise, surprise).  I was really stressing out but the decision has been made.  Scott and I are ready to start traditions with Harper and plan to go get a real Christmas tree from the local tree farm this week.  We are going to leave milk and cookies for Santa and all that fun stuff!  I think Harper will be more interesting in the paper and ribbons than the presents and thats ok.  :)

Its been awhile...

Harper will be 6 months old on the 23rd of this month.  Every thing is going great!  No thrush and no ear infections!  I am so relieved.  She still isnt back to sleeping all night but thats ok.  I can live with that as long as she is healthy. 

The last month has been amazing in terms of development.  She smiles all the time.  She is beginning to reach out when she wants someone to hold her.  I am telling you that there is no greater feeling on earth than walking in from work and when she sees me her little face just lights up!  She gets big eyes, smiles with her mouth open and pants like a puppy dog.  :)  I get a similar reaction when I pick her up out of bed. She gets so excited in the bath tub and loves to splash and get toys in her mouth. 

She can sit up all by herself now.  She started out being able to do it on soft surfaces like my lap.  Now she can do it on the floor!  She is so proud.  She is nowhere near crawling but she does move all over me and will try really hard to get to whatever it is that has her attention.

Since Harper spends 2 full days a week with Scott while I am at work, they have had to figure out what works for them.  Recently, Scott put in Baby Einstein and she LOVES it!  I really dont like the idea of her watching TV but I think these videos are great.  And, if it helps them get through the day, thats ok with me.  Scott and Harper seem to be getting along great.  Once in a while, they get out and go to the store together.  I think he likes the fact that people are so much nicer when you have a baby with you.  Lots of smiles and nice comments.

A couple of weeks ago, the pediatrician suggested trying baby food to see if Harper would stay full longer and let me sleep (we skipped cereal).  My brother picked up a couple of organic sweet potatoes and we made them into baby food.  It was actually very easy!  She seemed to love them.  After about 4 evenings of that with no reaction, we took 2 organic avocados and made those into baby food.  She seemed to take right to those as well.  We gave her avocados for about 4 days.  Her sleep may have slightly improved but not all that much.  Her poo started to get a little weird so we quit food for awhile to make sure she wasnt going to get backed up. (she doesnt seem to miss it).  From everything I have read since she is breastfed, she doesnt really have to have food even until she is a year old.  We are just taking it slow.  My own GI problems in the past have made me think twice about introducing foods at such a young age.  I think I may give her some sweet potatoes tonight or maybe even pick something new!  Its funny the things that are suddenly so much fun!

Coming up soon... a trip to the pumpkin patch in her cute butterfly costume (that I made entirely too big of a deal out of) and her 6 month pics with the fabulous Kristen Mackey!

4 Months On Earth

Well, this is Harper's 4th month of life.  We have now over come double ear infections and another case of thrush.  She is changing so much everyday.  She can control her head, neck and back.  She is getting so strong.  She LOVES to stand up and hold your hands.  She can show excitement and squeal!  I think the best thing I have ever experienced is seeing her sweet smile.  She looks right at me and just smiles this big open mouth smile.  I cant even handle how cute it is!  Her most recent discovery is her feet!  She loves to lay on her back and hold them and tug on them and pull socks off. 

I swear this little girl gets to me everyday.  I have always heard about how much a mother loves her children but I cant even explain how much I love her. It is so different than the way you love someone else.  Not to say that I love Harper more than Scott or my own mother but this is something more.  Its almost primal.  I am so attached to her.  WOW!  Sorry for the mush.  I am a big ball of emotions when it comes to her.  Sometimes, I sit and hold her and just try to soak up the moment because I know it will be gone so fast!  I look forward to watching her grow up but I am enjoying every single stage so far.  She is so sweet and those big green (or at least I think they are turning green) eyes just melt a momma's heart. 

So, being a momma has also made me slightly paranoid.  The weird part is that I am not worried about germs.  I dont carry around purell.  BUT, I am terrified of plastics, paint, chemicals, soap, toxins, vaccines, antibiotics, probiotics and pretty much everything else that touches her!  I am trying to push these feelings down and realize that I cant control every aspect of her life but I am trying to be a more eco friendly human being.  So far, we eat only grass fed beef, try to buy a lot of organic food, switched to eco friendly cleaners, cloth diapers, recycle everything possible, and probably other things.  I want this planet to still be a wonderful place to grow up for my children.  I cant control other people but I can control what I do to reduce my carbon footprint.  I have bought some wood toys for Harper as opposed to plastic but then I think "what about the rainforest?"  Its neverending.  I enjoy researching and learning new things so I dont mind it. 

Harper is the best thing that Scott and I have ever done and we are so blessed to be her parents.  We want to raise her to be a happy, healthy, and secure woman.  I dont care what she does for a living or what she wears as long as she is happy.  I want her to be gracious and giving.  To be secure in her body image (something I have to work on to provide a good example).   To be sweet and caring.  To have many friends and to be loyal.  To always remember her faith that Scott and I are going to try to raise her with.  To value her family.  To stop and listen before she acts (something I struggle with).   To smile more than most people.  The list goes on and on...